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[24 May 2006|08:22pm] |
Seven years, almost over.
What did I learn this year?
I learned that Hogwarts has more than its fair share of lesbians and gays.
I learned that ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) iknowyourdaddy is an excellent judge of character--some of the time.
I learned that insectintegrity's columns are as interesting as ever.
I learned that there's some really bad writers at this school.
I learned that there's something fishy about Lavender.
I learned that nothing good comes of house elves who go against their species' nature.
Overall, during my seven years year, I learned:
reallyquiteevil chases after bespectled black-haired Quidditch players.
Stay away from herbology_dork when he's brewing potions.
Stay away from the porridge, period.
If you're really, truly desperate for a good time, tart_in_tartan will be most eager to oblige you.
Nothing good comes from allowing corpses to attend the school.
I'm sure this knowledge will serve me well.
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[31 Jul 2005|09:10pm] |
At first I wasn't sure about this summer school thing. But it has its benefits. I don't have to make my own fun--I just simply need to wait a few minutes, and fun is made for me. (Thanks, Blaise.)
HAS ANYONE NOTICED THAT CLASSES SEEM A BIT QUIETER LATELY? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY THIS IS? I CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT, THOUGH IT FEELS IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.
The only bad thing about being at school is my new trapeze is back at the manor. Professor Dumbledore's pilates equipment will have to do.
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[13 Jul 2005|09:55pm] |
Having my summer hols cut short means less practise time with the second trapeze I had installed in the ballroom.
It also means fewer hours spent watching the house elves bump into the walls because I hexed them with a Conjunctivitis Curse.
It also makes it hard to visit Dad, but that's a good thing. Except for missing out on seeing all the amusing injuries.
Also on the plus side: I don't have to make my own fun, as fun is made for me, courtesy of Terry Boot. And Blaise is no longer running about the world with the corpse.
Also. There ought to be a summer Quidditch tournament. Especially since there were only TWO games played during the school year proper.
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[20 Jun 2005|10:57pm] |
Well, another school year is coming to a close.
What have I learned this year?
- I LEARNED THAT POTTER LIKES CAPS.
- I learned that Weasley has a thing for squid and cannot keep his trousers clean.
- I learned that some people think beads are yummy.
- I learned that Corner is crazy, but that was a given.
- I learned that Professor Dumbledore likes to bathe.
- I learned that my classmates are rather clueless.
- I learned a lot about Blaise that I cannot repeat here.
- I learned that this school does not give proper attention to its extracurricular activities. There were only two Quidditch games, folks. TWO. I'd like to know how the Quidditch Cup can possibly be awarded. Perhaps there will be a flip of a coin?
- I learned that the professors ask ridiculous questions on exams, in which they attempt to have us students solve their personal problems.
All useful things that I'm sure will help me in the real world someday. Good job, Hogwarts.
I'm looking forward to returning home, where there's a high level of quality.
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| I CAN WRITE STUFF IN JOURNALS!!! |
[27 Mar 2005|12:08am] |
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Is this school great or what?
I slept till noon (I GET TO SLEEP IN!). It's so nice to have warm, soft cotton sheets (I HAVE A REAL BED!). And then I took a shower (WITH HOT WATER!) and went down to the Great Hall for a late breakfast (WHICH I DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF!).
I went back upstairs, and my bed had been made (I LOVE HOUSE ELVES!). Then I went to the library to do my homework for Death Eater Thought (I HAVE BOOKS!).
And then it was time for the Quidditch game (I GET TO HAVE FUN!).
The match was FABULOUS as always. I'm glad I got my seat early, because THE HEADMASTER PASSED RIGHT BY ME as he made his way to his Supreme Exclusively Private Boxseat With Throne. I hear it has not one, not two, but THREE instant replay screens. How cool is that?
The Suckindor players started with a negative -200 points, as usual, because they were late to the pitch AGAIN! Suckerton, who played Beater for Suckindor today, had to be DRAGGED onto the pitch because he was crying. Can you believe that? The game was further delayed because the Headmaster's minion GK-47 ran out on the pitch and started gnawing at the Suckindor players' heads, but no one minded this.
I actually missed the beginning of the game because Lavender Brown was walking the stands selling hot dogs and hamburgers (I GOT TO EAT A HOT DOG WHILE WATCHING A QUIDDITCH GAME!). When I finally looked up the score was 120 to -250. Riddle Chasers Smith, Summerlicious, and Summers sure got off to a good start! And they continued to score like mad, while Suckindor lost points for every goal they missed.
And then it was time for Intermission, when the Riddle players have hot stone massages and cool drinks while Suckindor is forced to keep flying. There was a ruckus near the end of the intermission, when Blaise Zabini vaulted onto the pitch with his wizarding bat and went for Beater Summerhols's broom! Summerhols wasn't too happy about this, but Summeristhewinterofourdiscontent offered to sit out the rest of the game, so Blaise took his spot and started whacking Bludgers everywhere with his bat. And boy, he can sure whack hard, because the Suckindor players looked completely terrified from where I was sitting!
The second half was more of the same. Keeper "One M" Sumer almost had something to do as Suckindor managed to break away down the pitch, but someone from the crowd zapped the Suckindor Chaser with a tickling charm, and he fell off his broom laughing before he could take a shot.
It was hard to hear the announcer sometimes because I was sitting next to Gregory Goyle, who kept up a running commentary on how all the players were witches, especially that Neville Longbottom, and so I reflexively glanced up at Neville who was playing Seeker for Riddle, except he was too busy preening and waving to the crowds. But I saw his bodyguard Butler tug his sleeve and point, and suddenly Neville went into a dive and then he caught the Snitch and the game was over! Final score: Riddle 2420, Suckindor -470.
And then the Headmaster came down from his box to congratulate the Riddle players on their spectacular win. And I guess his minion GK-47 was really hungry because she bit my head as she passed (I GOT MY HEAD GNAWED BY THE HEADMASTER'S MINION!!).
What a great game! What a great day! And tomorrow should be just as good (I GET TO DO HOMEWORK FOR TOXICS!).
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[14 Feb 2005|08:28pm] |
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Is this thing on?
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[31 Dec 2004|11:29pm] |
In spite of the pampering I've been getting from the house elves, I was rather antsy this morning, so I took a romp on trampoline. That was relaxing. I should do that more often.
I didn't want to start off the new year on a bad note, so I got my visit with dad over with today. Blaise was kind enough to join me so I didn't have to suffer alone. It looks like some folks started partying early, as we saw some rather amusing accidents in the waiting room. Blaise is cute when she giggles.
Dad is no longer drooling so much, but rather muttering, which is alarming. The healers say that he's likely revisiting the last thing that happened before he ended up in St. Mungo's. Whatever that is--I'm not sure what happened. Though it might be interesting to find out: I distinctly heard dad say, "Gotta catch them all!" I wonder what that means?
After St. Mungo's we headed to Knockturn Alley, because I wanted to ask the storekeeper some questions about the items I purchased from him last summer. I fear Blaise spooked the poor guy. I hope he recovers.
Blaise is upstairs resting at the moment. I think I will go check on him and make sure he's okay.
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| There's no place like home |
[21 Dec 2004|10:43pm] |
I was afraid the house elves had gotten out of control while I was at school, so I practised my hexing on the way home by making Duckula quack. I don't understand why he was so upset. I mean, a quacking Keeper might not be a bad strategy for the next Quidditch game, as the opposing Chasers would likely be laughing too hard to throw straight. I think he should reconsider the idea.
Anyway. I needn't have worried about the house elves, as I received a very warm welcome upon my arrival at the manor. They greeted me at the door with my bathrobe and slippers, and they must've been cleaning all week, because the place is sparkling. Dinner was steak with hollandaise sauce by candlelight, with an excellent claret from the cellar.
I am now relaxing on the marvelously cushy ballroom floor, reading up on the magical properties of chili powder and eating truffles. And there's a house elf cowering by the fire, making sure the flames are stoked high enough for the room to stay warm.
Merlin, it's good to be home.
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| The Aftermath of the Parties |
[29 Aug 2004|11:20pm] |
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I've been busy the past week overseeing the house elves as they cleaned up the mess from the parties of last week. It occurred to me that I missed out partaking in the poetry trend that hit these journals a while back. I figured better late than never, and so I cursed the house elves to speak in rhymes. Here is just one example of what I've been hearing the past few days:
The manor's never been quite so dirty
Cleaning, we shall do from dusk till the dawn
We is needing soap in bedroom thirty
And a team to clear the trash from the lawn
The empty bottles total one oh eight
And brownie crumbs litter everywhere
We is thinking they used every plate
And left wine stains upon every chair
By far the worst of it, the ballroom's seen
We is spending most of our time in there
We scrubbed and scrubbed. The bouncy floor now gleams
But we ask, is this rhyming any fair?
We is hating master's curses. No more!
Alack! We must shut our ears in the door.
A Shakespearean sonnet. I must say, I am impressed.
I tried to put it off for as long as possible, but eventually I gave in and went to visit my dad. He drooled alarmingly when I told him about the parties. I am happy that we can have these close father-son moments.
Since I was at St. Mungo's anyway, I had a mediwizard look at this annoying crick in my neck that I've had since the last party in the ballroom. Her hands were cold. At least my neck is better now. The whole trip left me wound up, though, so I stopped in Knockturn Alley on my way home and picked up a few trinkets for myself. I'll be sure to put them to good use once school starts.
Other than that, I've spent the majority of my time lounging about. As much as I enjoyed the parties last week, they did wear me out, and I've felt the need to be lazy and enjoy these last minutes of solitude before school starts up again. I have a feeling that I won't be allowed to be so much of a loner this upcoming year. This doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would.
Finally, a note to my housemates who have found themselves in alarming predicaments as of late: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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[20 Aug 2004|11:51pm] |
Attention Slytherin partygoers: Anyone who wants to try out the trapeze, head to the ballroom now.
Or come even if you don't want to try it out. You can bounce on the floor. It'll be fun.
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| Slytherins! I am waiting! |
[20 Aug 2004|10:08pm] |
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The estate is shining. The house elves did a marvellous job cleaning it up. I had Draco's house elves dust off the wine and bring a few choice bottles up from the cellar before sending them back to Malfoy Manor. Didn't trust mine not to drop them, what with their trembling hands.
The kitchens have been busy all day. The food is both copious and well-varied. We will eat well tonight!
I've put off visiting Dad until tomorrow. Didn't want anything to put me in a foul mood for the party tonight.
Earlier this week I tried casting a Cushioning Charm in the ballroom since I installed some trapezes in there. I missed, and the charm went INTO the floor instead of hovering above it. The floor now has a remarkable resiliency to it. Rather springy. I was going to have someone look at it and maybe fix it, but that was before we discovered how much fun it was to play on it during the picnic.
I've spent the last half hour stretching, preparing for Mraco's revenge. I've got a few positions in mind, but of course the choice is his.
The floo is open. Everything is ready. Let the party begin.
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[19 Aug 2004|10:17pm] |
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| And a good time was had by all |
[19 Aug 2004|12:21am] |
The picnic was a rousing success.
The food was incredible. Though it's a good thing Draco brought his house elves to serve us as mine have developed a slight tremor and would just have made a mess of things. Oh, and good job on Pansy's present, Draco. I was very impressed. Very.
I did a little act to show off my skills, which went over quite well. Lots of questions on how exactly I managed to bend that way. Talent, folks. Pure talent.
A fair amount of alcohol was imbibed. Not by me, of course. Someone's got to stay sober to laugh at the drunks. Millicent is staying the night, though I may need to perform a Silencing Charm on her eventually.
Draco wanted to Apparate home. As if he could in his state. I did not want him to splinch himself -- Blaise would be too upset if he did -- so I threw him in the Floo before he could do himself any harm. I do wish I could be present when he sobers up enough to realize where he's landed. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[17 Aug 2004|12:26am] |
If I had known how amusing the results would be, I'd have arranged to have curtains installed in the entrance hall of Hogwarts ages ago. The abundant display of emotion kept me entertained for hours. It delighted me so much that I decided to curse the house elves to, well, curse. It was nearly as amusing as the Mermish. "Master sonofabitch, I is informing you that the fucking silver has been fucking polished." Followed, of course, by ironing of the ears. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I had to perform the countercurse just a day later, though. The constant self-inflicted punishments were interfering too much with the cleaning for the picnic that I'm hosting here tomorrow. It's good to be the master of the estate. Dad might have thrown his fair share of parties, but they were dull affairs full of people talking at each other, rather than with. I am looking forward to being able to have fun at a party, for once.
I suppose I am overdue for a visit to dad. Bother that. It'll have to be Wednesday. I can tell him all about the picnic and how we trashed the lawns. Not that he'll respond, of course, but it'll be fun to tell, anyway. And if I go early enough, I can look forward to propositions from all the drunks. Maybe see some amusing splinches as well. And if all that doesn't work to make the trip a bit more pleasant, then I think I will have a little visit to Knockturn Alley.
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[01 Aug 2004|03:39am] |
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St. Mungo's in the morning is always amusing. Druken wizards in need of a wand retrieval spell. HA! And this, ladies and gents, is why you always use an object with a flared base.
Of course, my pleasant mood was then ruined by my compulsory visit with Dad, but life, as they say, is not always a bowl of cherries. Oh, and speaking of cherries, a very happy birthday to Mr. Harry Potter. I know we've never been close, but after hearing everyone and their cousin at St. Mungo's mention the fact that it's your birthday today, well, how could I not send you a present? I do hope it satisfies your craving.
Odd, though, that most of my classmates managed to forget about Potter's birthday. I WONDER WHY THAT IS, POTTER? HMM?
After St. Mungo's I took a walk through London proper, as it is not something I've had a chance to do often. Good lord, that Muggle plague really is frightening. I found myself unable to look away from the sheer horror of the scene. I am certain its image will be implanted on my mind for years to come.
I feel restless. Time for some work on the trampoline, I think.
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[28 Jul 2004|09:27pm] |
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You've got to be fucking kidding me. A journal? Yeah, right. I'm only updating this thing tonight so I can practice my juggling.
Also, the following memory must be saved for posterity.
Today I cursed the house elves so that they could only speak Mermish. Now that was funny. Squeaky voices speaking a screeching language. HILARIOUS.
And then the chandelier came crashing to the floor. Heh!
Which led to a mad rush to be the first elf to bang its fingers in the door. HAHAHAHAHA!!!
It was priceless. I had to do a Reparo, but it was worth the effort. I must try that again sometime. Or maybe a different language. I wonder how they'd react to Trollish?
I'd like to think the Hogwarts administration had my amusement in mind when they decided to send our school letters on the hides of the very animal that would most upset or horrify us, but alas, I am smart enough to know that I am not the center of the wizarding world. That, of course, would be THE CAPSLOCKED ONE. It's possible they had his amusement in mind, but somehow I doubt it. It was ostrich, here, which is not as amusing as hyena would have been, but it'll do. I hear that ostrich is becoming popular to eat. I certainly wouldn't mind being eaten. And I'm quite the nummy treat, if I do say so myself.
Dad always said to stay away from the other houses, as they were dull and stupid. From what I've seen on these journals, he might have been wrong. Some of them actually seem to have a tiny shred of intelligence. As for a lack of dullness... well, it's possible I might find something posted here to amuse me if I ever get too terribly bored.
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